As a leadership coach and owner of a people and culture (HR) consulting firm, I frequently work with senior executives to help them lead their teams more effectively. A recurring topic is the challenge of delivering concise, constructive feedback.
Senior leaders typically move at a fast pace and need to influence their teams to act swiftly. They often struggle to understand why they can’t just “say it like it is,” and move on. “I don’t believe in sugarcoating” is a common refrain.
If that sounds familiar, I’d encourage you to think differently about feedback, starting with your goal in sharing it. Whether you’re getting ready for annual reviews, quarterly check-ins, or an impromptu conversation, it’s worth thinking through what good feedback looks and feels like – both from the perspective of how you deliver it and how it will be received. If the person on the other end can’t hear your message, then your time hasn’t been well spent.
The Challenges of Direct Feedback
Many leaders face common challenges when it comes to giving feedback. They want to move quickly and have developed direct communication styles to meet the demands of their roles. However, these same qualities can sometimes create unintended barriers.
For example:
- Speed over Substance: Leaders often want to get feedback out of the way quickly, leaving little time to thoughtfully structure their message.
- Directness vs. Disrespect: What’s intended as straightforward can sometimes come across as blunt or even rude.
- Fear Factor: Leaders’ positions of authority can make their feedback feel intimidating, even when it’s well intended.
- Reluctance to “Sugarcoat”: Many leaders avoid softening their feedback because they see it as unnecessary or time consuming.
While these tendencies stem from a desire to be efficient and clear, they can backfire if feedback is delivered in a way that feels harsh or unkind.
What’s Missing from Feedback Conversations
What some leaders miss is the fact that effective feedback isn’t just about what you say but how it’s received. The goal of feedback is to help the other person hear, internalize, and act on it. When feedback is too direct, it risks coming across as disrespectful or dismissive, which can hinder the very growth and improvement the feedback is meant to encourage.
The best feedback is:
- Clear: It communicates specific behaviors, outcomes, or actions that need to change or continue.
- Kind: It’s delivered with respect and empathy, showing that you care about the person’s success.
- Actionable: It includes concrete steps the individual can take to improve.
Why People Crave Constructive Feedback
It’s important to remember that most employees want to receive feedback, even when it’s tough to hear. Constructive feedback, delivered thoughtfully, helps people grow and perform better in their roles. When employees sense that their leader is invested in their development and on their side, they are more likely to accept and act on the feedback. Even if it stings momentarily, actionable and clear feedback provides a path forward.
Tips for Delivering Meaningful Feedback
- Start with Intention: Before giving feedback, clarify your purpose. Are you aiming to help the person improve, align with team goals, or address a specific issue? Coming from a place of care and development will shape your tone and delivery.
- Be Specific: Avoid generalizations or vague statements. Instead of saying, “You need to communicate better,” try “In last week’s meeting, it would have been helpful to summarize your key points at the end of your presentation.”
- Balance Directness with Empathy: You can be straightforward without being harsh. Use phrases like, “I’d like to share some observations that could help you grow” or “Here’s an area where I think you can make an impact by adjusting your approach.”
- Focus on Actions, Not Personality: Feedback should target behaviors and outcomes, not personal traits. For instance, instead of “You’re disorganized,” say, “Let’s work on creating a system to track your tasks so you can meet your deadlines.”
- Invite Dialogue: Feedback should feel like a two way conversation. After sharing your observations, ask for their perspective: “How do you feel about this feedback?” or “How can I help?”
- Follow Up: Feedback doesn’t end with the initial conversation. Check in to acknowledge improvements and offer additional support if needed. This shows that you’re truly invested in their growth.
Balance Clear and Kind
Striking the right balance between clarity and kindness is what makes feedback both meaningful and effective. Remember, feedback isn’t about tearing someone down. It’s about building them up in a way that fosters trust and respect. By delivering feedback thoughtfully, you help your team members see that you’re on their side and committed to their success.
As leaders, it’s not just about being decisive and fast—it’s about being intentional and having the intended impact. When you approach feedback with care and clarity, you’re not just influencing behavior; you’re cultivating a feedback culture based on mutual respect. And that’s the hallmark of truly great leadership.
Effective feedback isn’t about sugarcoating. It’s about delivering clear, actionable insights with respect and empathy. Leaders who approach feedback thoughtfully can create a culture of trust and growth, where employees feel supported and motivated to improve. The goal is not just to communicate what needs to change but to do so in a way that inspires action and fosters a sense of partnership. As a leader, your ability to balance directness with care speaks volumes about your commitment to your team’s success. By investing the time and effort to deliver feedback effectively, you’re not only influencing individual performance but also strengthening your team as a whole.
As a coach and owner of a people and culture consulting firm, I work with senior executives on how they lead their teams even more effectively. Something that comes up frequently is their desire to give concise, direct feedback. These leaders are moving fast and have to influence those who work for them to be decisive and act swiftly.
Whether you’re preparing for annual reviews, quarterly check ins, or just have the need to deliver some constructive feedback, it’s worth thinking through what good feedback looks and feels like – both how you want to deliver it, and how it will be received.
All leaders need to provide feedback yet many struggle with how to do it in a way that’s genuine to them and will be well received.
Challenges leaders face:
- They want to move fast
- They have direct communication styles
- May be feared by their teams
- Don’t want to “sugarcoat” feedback – it takes time
What they’re missing:
- Effective feedback means the other person is able to hear it
- Being too direct may actually mean rude or disrespectful
- The best feedback is both clear and kind
People crave constructive feedback but it has to be delivered in a way that’s palatable. It may sting briefly but if it’s clear and actionable people will accept it. Good feedback is given in the spirit of making the employee better and helping them grow. People know when, as a leader, you’re on their side. All of this is what enables them to internalize and act on feedback, even when it’s hard to hear.
