Unless you employ a team of robots, it’s only natural that sometimes there’s conflict in your workplace. That conflict can only be resolved by conducting difficult conversations, sometimes one-on-one, other times with an entire group or between groups.

While you can’t avoid hard conversations, there are ways to minimize the pain by being more thoughtful and preparing for them in a healthy, constructive way. Read on for tips that will help you conduct the most constructive conversations when working through interpersonal disagreements at work.

Timing

There’s a reason why we are told to “cool off” after a disagreement. In the heat of the moment, whatever has transpired can spark emotions that will cloud judgment and potentially prevent everyone involved from thinking clearly. That is not the time to have a meaningful discussion.

In the workplace, just like the real world, sometimes it’s best to take a step back and breathe after an awkward encounter or incident. Allow everyone to reflect on what happened, why it happened the way it did, and what can be done to fix the problem. Focusing on the solutions instead of fixating on blame will lead to a much quicker positive outcome.

Most importantly—don’t rush the conversation. Make sure you schedule the talk at least a couple hours after the conflict happens so the employee(s) involved can regain composure and take time to work through any lingering anger or hurt feelings.

Why is it so hard?

There are several reasons why conflict resolution conversations are so hard. Here are just a few:

•   People take pride in their work, so they’re emotionally attached to their projects and/or clients. Yes, they take it personally!
•   An employee’s job is their livelihood. Not only are they relying on their paycheck for survival, they may also have spouses, children or other family members relying on them for support.
•  Fear of failure can plague even the most successful people and the implication of it can be debilitating for some.
•   An aversion to confrontation is a very real issue for those who are more introverted or private with their feelings.

In addition to any or all of these, there are often external factors at play when someone is underperforming or finding it difficult to get along with their peers. Perhaps they are suffering an illness or caring for a family member. Maybe they’re struggling financially. Life often gets in the way of work. Whatever the reason, the root of the problem is seldom the problem itself and that’s something to keep in mind while overcoming workplace obstacles. The best approach is always to start with curiosity and compassion.

How to Prepare

Before you have the conversation, it’s important to collect all of the facts and determine a plan for resolution. Listen separately to the grievances of everyone involved – every story has at least two sides. Agree on next steps so that if the problem isn’t fully resolved, people know what do do next.

Find a private place to conduct the conversation. Make sure it’s a neutral space that is comfortable for everyone involved. If the conversation is one-on-one, instead of holding it in your office, perhaps take the individual off site, away from their peers, where they can be most candid. If the issue is serious enough to warrant it including violations of law, safety or policy, invite a member of your Human Resources team to attend and help mediate.

It’s also helpful to establish goals of the meeting in advance. An email with expectations that detail what is to be discussed and clearly states that action items for overcoming the issue will result may ease the tension going into the talk.

Most of all, remember to stay calm, breathe, and ask everyone to come in with a compassionate frame of mind. Practice and role play might help. Remind everyone involved that in addition to solving the immediate problem, everyone’s goal should be to learn from the situation and increase the strength of the relationship.

Our team can help you navigate conflicts through Collaborative Conflict training and mediation. No team starts out being good at conflict, but we can help you get there.  Reach out today for a free consultation.